Today I want to talk about something that some of you may or may not be familiar with. I’m talking about NLP or Neuro-Linguistic Programming. I am not claiming to be a Master Practitioner of NLP by any means. However, I am very intrigued by learning more and more about the subject. So I thought I’d relate some of what I have recently learned to what I actually already knew.
I am currently listening to an audio program where Master Practitioner Chris Howard conducted a training session in Los Angeles California. For those of you who are not familiar with NLP I’ll give you Chris’s description. He says that NLP is the psychology of achievement and interpersonal communication. Now, one of the early creators of NLP is a man named Richard Bandler. He had a little bit different description of what NLP is all about. He says that NLP is the study of subjective experience.
What I find so interesting about the subject of NLP is that we all as individuals live in our own reality. Sadly, it’s not real. I know what you’re thinking. “What do you mean, my reality isn’t real? Of course it is!” I’m sorry to tell you, it’s not. You may have heard the phrase “perception is reality” well this is a very true statement. The reason your reality isn’t a “real” reality is because it is shaped from each of your life’s experiences. As individuals we have all been subjected to individual experiences that shape our internal reality.
An example that Chris makes in his program is the story of two people walking when they see a stick in the road. One of the individuals doesn’t actually see a stick, they see a snake. At that very moment each of their reactions are completely different, even though they are looking at the exact same stick. One keeps walking and doesn’t even think anything, where the other jumps out of their skin and runs for the hills.
Based on the map of “their realities” each person will think or act in certain ways. The cool thing about NLP is that neither one of them are wrong in their own mind. One may be wrong because it’s not actually a snake. But upstairs, they reacted specifically based on all of their previous experiences throughout life.
A Hungarian Biologist Mihaly Csiksczentmihalyi who wrote Flow – The Psychology of optimal experience, said that via our five senses we process about two million bits and pieces of information every second. That’s a whole lot of info. We can only however, process 7 plus or minus 2 at one time. So there are 3 things we do as humans to filter all this information. The first is deletion. This is where we naturally delete information our subconscious doesn’t find important. Next, we distort. This is where we will change how we see or hear something so it makes sense to us in our own mind. The third is generalization.
The images and thoughts in our minds shape how we communicate. So as you speak to someone, they may not see or understand the words in the same way as you saw them, while you visualized your thoughts before you spoke.
So, what’s the point of all this today? Well, the next time you’re having a heated discussion or an argument with your spouse, significant other, friend or co-worker and they just don’t get it. Remember, it’s true. Most people assume that the way in which “I” think, is the same for everyone else. This is untrue. So, slow down, remind yourself that they may not be on the same page because you haven’t communicated effectively. An example of where this can happen , ties in with one of my earlier blog posts on communication on January 31’st. I talked about paraphrasing. Paraphrasing is a way in which you can be responsible for your communication and make sure other parties are “getting it”
Please post any comments or questions that you may have about NLP. The opportunity to answer any of them is great passive learning for me, which moves me one step closer to becoming a Master Practitioner.
Scott Wain
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